I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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