Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
