The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
