Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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