I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
