you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
