I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
