the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize