Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
