Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
accomplished twins. life is a go
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's never too late to be topless.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
