i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
