You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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