You really coming over, don't trick.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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