Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
