I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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