Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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