I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize