Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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