Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
People in love make me want to vomit
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize