ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
