from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
