if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
