I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
