Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
