oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
