No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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