I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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