That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
