My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
