There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
