It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
