the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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