so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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