Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize