Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
