Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
it was like his penis was on wheels.
even my farts smell like vagina
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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