Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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