he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
