I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
