You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
