i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
