I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
