My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
