spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
