the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
