just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my being single is dangerous.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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