reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
