you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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