I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
