i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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