I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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