im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
