I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
