Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
where does the pee come out of this thing
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
