I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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