this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
