Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
