She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
