So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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