I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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