i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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