my vag is so smooth its legendary
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
