do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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