I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
this is an emotional support booty call
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
