the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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