I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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