i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize