Your face is a jimmy john
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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