The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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