Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
