is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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